


How many times? Six.

by lonelyrain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Heartache, Just read, Love, M/M, More Fluff, kinda long, not trying to spoiler here k?, pls don't judge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:20:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22478554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyrain/pseuds/lonelyrain
Summary: When Louis wakes up tomorrow, Harry will be gone.The other boy will just assume that Harry did that often. That one-night-stand thing.He will go on with his life as if nothing life-changing had happened.Because, maybe that’s exactly what happened. Louis doesn’t really know Harry. Harry knows Louis more than Louis knows Harry. That’s all there is to know, really.
Relationships: Camila Cabello/Niall Horan, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Hailee Steinfeld, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. How many times? Six.

The only thing illuminating the room is the light of the moon, bathing the room in white light. Harry lays on his right side, watching Louis lay on his back. Brushing the hair out of his face, pressing a soft kiss to the older boy’s forehead. It was once. Harry had had one shot. He can’t believe that it had actually happened.

He sits up, unable to sleep. Louis stirs in the bed, but just rolls over to his left and keeps on sleeping. Harry sits down in front of the window, stepping over their discarded clothes on the floor, unable to stop his tears now. Once. This is a memory to keep in his heart for forever. Louis’ fingerprints on Harry’s body is all Harry has now.

When Louis wakes up tomorrow, Harry will be gone. The other boy will just assume that Harry did that often. That one-night-stand thing. He will go on with his life as if nothing life-changing had happened. Because, maybe that’s exactly what happened. Louis doesn’t really know Harry. Harry knows Louis more than Louis knows Harry. That’s all there is to know, really.

_I’m sure that you all are super confused, but there is a story to it. You want to hear it? I mean, it’s a bit long, but sure, fine. I’ll lead you to the present, but for that, we’ll have to look into the past first._

Their story starts in 2004. Harry was eleven and Louis thirteen. They met in Brazil when both their parents decided to choose this country as their place where they wanted to spend their holidays at. Harry was a young, healthy boy. He was happy. Until he met Louis.

Harry had asked his mother to cut his meat for him since working with the knife was still just a tad too hard for him when he had heard him. A loud, child-like voice. “You don’t even believe that bullshit yourself!”, was the first thing that Harry had heard come out of Louis’ mouth. The next one had been an “Ow, hey!”, then a manly, older voice “Stop swearing, or you can forget your visit to the beach”.

At first, Harry didn’t really think anything of it. Until he turned into the direction of the boy and locked eyes with blue eyes. And, this is important. Because at this moment, Harry was intoxicated. He didn’t notice it, but Louis had clung his teeth into Harry’s heart, forcing him to never forget him.

Harry had smiled shyly. Louis had looked away.

The next day, Harry and Alex went to the beach. Alex was the kid that had the hotel room next to Harry and luckily, their older sisters Gemma and Christa came with them to keep an eye on them. Their parents were reluctant to letting the four go, but Gemma was almost fifteen and Christa was nineteen, so they let it slide, making them promise to never let Harry and Alex out of their eyes.

Everything was fine. At one moment, Harry played in the wet sand while Alex jumped around in the ocean close to him, as Harry felt a shadow ghost over him and looked up.

“Who are you?”, Louis had asked and Harry immediately noticed a strong accent. British, huh?

  
“Me?”

“You seeing anybody else here?”

“ ’m Harry”, Harry said shyly.

“Louis”

There was a silence, until.

“I don’t like that castle”

Harry looked down at it.

“Uhm… Why?”

Louis sat down and started groping at the sand, trying to “fix it”. When Harry commented that it looked even worse now, Louis ruffled his hair, but for the very first time Louis’ smile belonged to Harry. Just to Harry.

Harry was pretty gone for him after that.

Harry and Louis only met a handful of times at the hotel. Twice at breakfast, twice or three times at the beach and once at a market. Harry had smelled a peach-looking fruit as Louis had said “I wouldn’t try that, if I were you. Looks pretty spicy, rather stick to the strawberries, Curly”

Harry had glared at him before taking a fat bite out of that fruit, spitting it out only a few seconds later, tongue on fire. As he greedily lunged for the water bottle, his ears drowned in Louis’ laughter.

Louis seemed too cool for him. Way out of his league. He didn’t even like Harry, always avoiding his stares. He just gave Harry the feeling that he didn’t care about him at all. Why would he? Harry was no one.

One time, Louis proved him wrong.

It was the time that meant the most to him, a Saturday. It had rained so everyone stayed inside. Harry had been so excited to go to the beach, so when being told that he couldn’t, he protested by crouching at the exit, shivering while being soaked with water. He cried, because he was a crier, even though he hated admitting it, and he waited for his mummy to come down and get him. A voice mixed with the rain, crashing down onto the ground.

“You must be kiddin’ me” and suddenly Harry was being pulled up and back into the hotel. “You got some nerve, kid”, was the next thing he had heard and turned around to see more raindrops, two to be exact, surrounded by long lashes. Louis’ hair was a bit wet (probably from getting Harry inside) and Harry looked down between their bodies to where Louis was wrapping Harry into a towel, still muttering things here and there.

Harry didn’t say a word, didn’t dare to say something that might stop Louis from rubbing the towel into his skin. He had a weird feeling in his tummy, not like a I-am-hungry-feeling, but a I-have-never-felt-this-way-before-feeling.

His eyes fluttered shut and then he heard it, soft and gentle. “You okay? Where are your parents?” Harry shivered, which caused Louis to pull him closer and rub the towel through Harry’s hair a bit, making it curl a lot stronger than usually, while Harry clutched onto Louis’ shirt.

“Doesn’ matter”, Harry said and noticed how rough his voice was. Louis looked at Harry for a second and then embraced the little boy, wrapping his small 13-year-old arms around him as Harry whimpered out a sob. Maybe his crying wasn’t just because he couldn’t go to the beach, but because he fought with his mummy and he hated fighting with his mummy. Actually, he hated fighting in general.

“You’re fine, I got you. Let it out, c’mon”, Louis whispered against Harry’s wet hair as he kept rubbing his back.

  
Louis hesitated, but brought Harry to his own hotel room.

“My dad and the girls are at the inside pool”, he explained and knocked at the door.

A woman in her late thirties opened up.

“Louis! Wh-“, she said and looked at Harry, her brown eyes stunned into silence at observing Harry as if he was a drenched and abandoned puppy. Well, maybe he was. Louis protectively stepped in front of Harry while said boy kept clutching at Louis’ shirt.

She crouched down and said, a lot friendlier “Boo bear, can you introduce me to this wonderful friend of yours?”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”, he said and held out his pinkie, his mother immediately intertwining hers with his.

Louis looked back into Harry’s wide and scared eyes and then said with a soft smile “This is Johanna, my mum. Don’t worry, she’s on the good side”

“Louis”, Johanna mumbled, but the soft smile she gave her son made Harry step to the side, hand still clutching Louis’ shirt.

He took Johanna’s warm hand and whispered his name. Johanna smiled and immediately embraced Harry shortly, then pulled both boys inside. She asked Harry for his room number and Harry reluctantly told her. He heard her talk to his mother on the phone, calming her down and assuring her that her son was fine.

“So, you two want a warm bath?”, she said now and Louis send a smile into Harry’s direction.

When Harry sunk down into the warm water, he immediately gasped in relief. He had already been wearing his swimming trunks when he was crouching at the exit of the hotel. “Good, huh? My mum said that there’s nothing a good ol’ bubble bath can’t fix”, Louis whispered and placed some foam on Harry’s hair.

“Gotta take care of that hair, curly”, he said next, whispered it all into the air between them.

“My hair?”, Harry had whispered back.

“I’m sure all the girls like it”, Louis said.

“Do you like it?”, Harry asked.

Louis looked at Harry, confused. Then, he nodded.

They played a bit in the water, until their skin was wrinkled. Johanna gave Harry clothes from Louis and then both boys sat on Louis’ bed, Louis making up a story about dragons and trapped princesses, sometimes running his hands through Harry’s wet locks. Harry noticed how touchy Louis was, touching him on his elbows, hands, hair and even ankles. They whispered things to each other, Louis putting an arm around Harry and his head on top of Harry’s that was laying on his shoulder. They stayed like this, wrapped up in each other and Harry thought it was so unreal, feeling so close to a person he didn’t even know.

When Anne came in to pick up her son, she did it with a guilty face expression. “Hazza, baby”, she said and picked up her son. “We’ll go tomorrow, I promise. Never leave again, though. Never leave without telling us, okay, baby?”, she said, her voice wavering. Harry nodded against her shoulder and whispered “Sorry, mummy”.

Before they left, Harry wriggled his hand out of Anne’s to run back into Louis’ arms and press himself as close as possible to this boy. He whispered “Thanks” and then pulled away, showing him both his dimples. Louis just grabbed his cheeks and squeezed them as he said “Sure”. Then Harry hugged Johanna and walked back into his room, hand holding his mother’s.

His mother had told him years later that they had searched him for ten minutes before receiving Johanna’s phone call to exhale in relief. Louis’ mother had proposed to draw them up a bath to calm them down and Anne had picked him up later. Harry could never not be grateful for Johanna’s actions.

He didn’t see Louis again the next few days.

The day Harry’s stay at the hotel was over, he saw Louis at the reception.

“You want to say bye to that little friend of yours?”, Anne had asked gently, brushing Harry’s hair out of his face.

“He just- he doesn’t …like me like that. He just tried to help me ”, her son only answered, watching the boy with the cheeky smile hold his sister’s hand as he talked to his mother. Anne handed Harry his backpack and as she did, Louis’ head turned towards him and Harry tried to use this moment to drink in the sight of Louis standing there and burn it into his brain. Tried to never forget the brown, messy fringe. The blue eyes that had stared into his multiple times. The way he grabbed everyone’s attention by just being his confident self. Harry admired him, he did. And Harry was only eleven, but he knew that he thought differently of Louis than how he was supposed to do.

Harry had stared too long apparently, because now Louis raised an eyebrow, mouth slowly turned upwards.

Harry was a weird kid, really. He liked girly things, had been told that too often to keep track. While other boys played football or basketball, he collected flowers or talked to girls about things he liked, making him quite popular with them.

They just were about to head out, Harry already missing the smell of the ocean and the feeling of the sun on his skin when he felt a strong grip on his arm. He turned around and stumbled a bit, gasping when he recognized Louis’ face.

“You-“

“You’re leaving?”, Louis asked, observing the three suitcases while stepping closer.

“Well…yeah”, Harry said, because duh.

“Where do you live?

“What?”, Harry asked, confused but giddy.

“Where do you – doesn’t matter”, he said, letting go of Harry’s arm.

“Cheshire”, Harry said, making Louis step closer, bodies almost touching.

“Okay”, Louis just said.

“Bye. And thanks for, you know”, Harry said, trying to control his breathing. His parents were loading the trunk of the taxi with their suitcases.

“Of course”, Louis said. Harry turned around to get to his parents – but wait. He would never see Louis again anyway.

He turned around and pressed a quick kiss to Louis’ cheek who hadn’t moved away. Louis’ eyebrows furrowed.

“Uhm…yeah. Bye”

“You already said that”, Louis said, but finally gave Harry a shy smile again- one that Harry had been desperate to see again.

Harry turned around and got into the taxi, sitting down next to Gemma, blush evident on his face. Of course Gemma teased him about it, but Harry only had eyes for the boy who was still standing at the entrance and waving a hand.

Harry hadn’t stopped thinking about Louis for months, years even. Sometimes thought back to the boy at the beach, who was kicking a ball around and tackling his sisters to the ground, making them squeal out in delight. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had always been the center of attention, no matter where he was. How he had always eaten an Omelet with tomatoes. How he had pushed his fringe away from his eyes, showing two oceans and crinkles around them as if his face was a fucking canvas. A canvas filled with perfection and – 

“Harry Edward Styles!”

Harry snapped out of it and looked up at Niall who was giving him an annoyed look.

“You back on earth? Geez, completely zooning out on me there”

“Sorry, Niall”, Harry said and leaned back. He didn’t think about Louis too much, but here and there, something remembered him of his holidays back in 2004, which is about nine years back.

“So, black or white?”

“Uh…white?”

“Was that a question or an answer?”

“Answer”

“Got it”

Niall and Harry went to college in Manchester and were around the same age. They had met when Niall had accidentally spilled coffee all over Harry’s notes and offered Harry to use his. When they realized that Niall hadn’t even had any notes, they laughed, sealing their friendship. Since then, Harry had followed Niall around like a lost puppy.

Niall played football, Harry took literature and scribbled into his notebook. Niall hung out with the cool kids, Harry talked to girls about all kinds of stuff since they were more open minded than most guys. It made him more liked by girls, but he didn’t mind it. Niall was loud, Harry was gentle but honest. They weren’t similar, personality-wise, but they had a few things in common. They prioritized loyalty, trust, honesty and cuddles in friendships and therefore had managed to become roommates at their uni.

Right now, Niall prepared for a football match, putting on his white socks. Harry rarely went there to support him, but when he did, he supported him as good as he could, bringing along a water bottle and a towel, receiving a hug from his best friend.

At the tribune, they met Zayn and Harry immediately hugged his other friend. Zayn was great, honestly. Harry hadn’t known him for long, but after just a few weeks Zayn had captured Harry with his intelligence, but mostly with the way he only used it to help out people and never correct them. He was one of the few people Harry talked to (next to Niall) when he felt like he needed to let something out. Zayn had three younger sisters and didn’t have one judging bone in his body.

Right now, Zayn tells him about the obvious way a guy checked him out before, Harry only giggling along.

The match starts. Harry’s life forever changes.

As the football players chase each other and try to steal the ball away from each other’s feet, Harry’s eyes somehow always go back to a certain boy with the shirt that displays the number 28.

“Hey”, he says to Zayn without looking away, “Who’s number twenty-eight?”

“No idea, I think I’ve seen him in the halls a few times, though”

Harry can’t see him good enough, since the guy is pretty quick on his feet, but the way he steals the ball away and kicks it around, confusing his opponents, is something that is familiar to Harry. Maybe he has seen him at another game. Maybe. Hm.

Harry hugs a sweaty Niall, not being grossed out by it. “You were great, Niall”, he says, just like always.

“Aw, thanks Harry”, Niall says while grinning and winks at a few girls, sitting behind Harry and Zayn. He receives a blush, two girls saying they thought he had played well too and a few shy laughs which makes him laugh and thank them, before turning back around to Harry.

“Gonna go drink a beer to celebrate the win. You coming along?”

The thing is, Harry would love to drink a beer. But with half of the football team? Nah.

Zayn, who easily reads Harry’s mind, says “We’ll come along, but sit down at a more quiet area, I think. Not really a fan of all the screaming”

Niall nods and goes to take a shower.

Harry sees some football players being coddled by their girlfriends for their win and immediately feels jealous. It’s not as he’s wishing for a relationship, but yes, he actually is. Just somehow he yearned for receiving love and giving his love in return. But well, it is how it is.

Harry and Zayn don’t wear anything fancy since they’re literally just getting a beer. He thinks that only in movies girls jump into a fancy dress every time they go to a bar/club. The girls he had expressed that to had agreed, even thanking him for his view on it.

Harry is sipping on his second beer as his life officially changes.

“Hold on a moment”, he interrupts Zayn and glances over said boy’s shoulder to stare at a guy that’s just entered the bar. He is wearing a denim jean jacket and a white shirt underneath, fringe styled upwards. He wants to look into his face, but the guy turns around and offers Harry his backside to look at instead.

“Six”, Harry whispers.

“What’s wrong?”, Zayn asks, looking up from his phone.

“I think I know that guy”

“Which one?”

“Turn around, but not obvious”, Harry instructs.

Of course Zayn whips his head around, but luckily, the guy is still standing with his back to them, talking to…Niall?

“His bum looks amazing, though”, Zayn comments and Harry rolls his eyes, gripping his beer tighter.

Then the guy turns around, walking closer to Harry and Zayn. Harry immediately gasps. Holy Shit. Holy Shit.

“Oh shit”, Harry whispers and Zayn turns around again, looking genuinely concerned.

“Was he mean to you?”

“No, he…remember that guy from 2004? The one from Brazil?”

“The one that you -?”

Harry nods.

“I mean, isn’t that a good thing? Tell him hi, maybe”, Zayn tries.

Harry swallows audibly. No, that’s not happening. He knows why it's not happening. Zayn doesn’t.

“Hazza! Zayn, hi!”, Niall says and shit – he had spotted them, leading the other boy with him to Harry and Zayn’s booth.

“Hey”, Zayn says and scoots over and so does Harry. Harry breaths out loudly when Niall sits down next to him, but then he realizes that this means he’ll have him right in front of him. Double shit.

“Have I introduced you to this awesome guy?”, Niall starts off.

Harry notices that he can’t even notice his eye-color in this light. It’s a bar after all. Harry had completely drowned out the music and just everything, focusing just on this moment and the guy in front of him.

That certain guy is giving Zayn his name, an introduction Harry has already received years ago. To hell with this guy.

“Louis”, he now says to Harry, hand outstretched and locking eyes with the curly-haired lad.

“Harry”

“Nice to meet you” is the only thing he receives. And there it is. The confirmation that Louis had completely forgotten about him. Ouch.

“Zayn’s from Bradford, Harry from Cheshire. You know, I told you”, Niall says, completely oblivious.

“Didn’t you want to celebrate with the team?”, Harry says and looks over at Niall.

“We did, but most of them went home. Losers, right?”

“You’re the one that wants to celebrate every single win this team makes”, Zayn says, making Louis crack a smile. Harry’s not looking at him, so he doesn’t see it.

“If it’s an excuse to get a beer, well then duh”, Niall replies and downs the rest of his drink, standing up to get another one.

  
“So, Louis. What do you do?”, Zayn asks to not make it awkward.

“Well, I go this college obviously and uh, play football. I’ve seen you around a couple of times, right?”

“Yeah, I study Art History, German and education”

“Oh wow, sounds awesome. I do Drama and Music”

“Music? Harry does that too, with English literature, of course”, he says and winks over to his friend.

“Really?”, Louis says over the rim of his beer.

“Don’t forget Psychology”, Harry says and then turns to Louis. “I like psychology”. Louis nods and they have a normal conversation. Niall joins them and they have a good laugh. Harry manages to stay calm and not be depressed over the fact that Louis really completely forgot who he was. It shouldn’t bother him, but it does.

When they leave, Louis gives Zayn his phone number while Harry stares holes into the air, noticing a drunk girl that trips over her feet. He catches her by the elbow and helps her brush her hair back. “You okay there?”, he asks and puts on a smile.  
She giggles, pats his chest and says “What a gentleman. Gonna fuck me too and throw me at the floor like a used condom?”. At least, it's what Harry thinks she says (with all the slurring, you know what I mean).

“No, I would treat you like a princess, love”, Harry says and takes the water bottle Zayn is holding out to him. “Touch you with gloves and shit”, the girl actually giggles at that and drinks out of the bottle.

“If I was straight and wanted to court you”, he adds.

The girl looks at him and groans in then “Why are all the good guys gay?”, she slurs and Harry smiles again. “Well, that’s not true. Try finding a guy that treats you good and doesn’t want to just sleep with you, sweetie. The bar might not be the best place for that”, he says and finally, a friend of hers comes to lead her away, hopefully to a cab.

“What a gentleman, Styles”, Niall says and leans against his side, Harry’s arm coming around his back to support him standing up.

Niall always gets tipsy at those nights. Never more than tipsy though. He had whispered to Harry that his father had been an alcoholic, hitting his mum. He had whispered it when it had been a hard day for him and Harry had proposed for them to climb into Niall’s bed and be in the safety of the dark. Under the sheets, he had whispered it. It was the first time Niall had opened up about his past in Ireland. Thankfully, his father had been in rehab and his mother remarried and both were better now.

“It’s in his blood”, Zayn said and Harry looked back at Louis who was looking at him as if he was asking himself something. Did he remember? Did he?

Harry called a cab for them and said his good-byes.

“Night”, Louis says but he doesn’t move away.

“Hey”, Harry says. Louis looks at him. “We have met before”, Harry states. It’s out. Why did Harry say that? Wasn’t he sober?

“We did?”

“Uhm…yeah”

“Oh...when?”

“I mean, uhm, I – I think a few years ago. Not in England, though”

“I’m so sorry, but I can’t remember. Wish I could”, Louis says and Harry presses his lips together and nods, only after a few seconds finally being able to say “Oh, it’s not a problem. Just thought you’d might know.”

At their flat, Harry tucks Niall into his bed and makes his way over to his room.

He won’t even cry. It wasn’t so special and it’s been so long. Nine years. Harry was 11 when it happened and he was 20 years old now. Why is he making such a big deal out of it? He remembered it all as if it had been yesterday – actually, it can’t even surprise him that Louis forgot. It matches exactly the character of the little boy back in Brazil. So cool and uncaring. Why did Harry think that Louis might remember?

Harry goes to bed. It’s three am.  
Harry gets out of class and meets Zayn in the library, telling him about the past events as he scribbles into his notebook. A few girls greet him here and there. It’s been two weeks since he’s seen Louis.

“He asked for you, you know”, Zayn says and Harry looks up from his notebook, brushing his hair behind his ear.

“Really?”

“Yeah, asked if you were okay”

“That’s just a friendly gesture, nothing more”, Harry says, uninterested.

“if you say so”, Zayn says and Harry starts on the book he has to read while Zayn listens to some guy talking in German on his laptop.

“Hey”, Louis says while brushing the wet hair out of his face. Harry had just been waiting for Niall to come out of the locker room, but of course this guy had to come and fuck with Harry’s head. He looks too good right now with his stupid soft/wet/touchable hair and the blue eyes looker bluer than usual and he was wearing a hoodie just now and life was unfair.

“Hey”, Harry says distantly.

“I feel like we started off on the wrong foot, Harry”, Louis says confidently and leans against the wall.

"Uhm, no, actually, we didn’t at all", is what Harry thinks.

“We might have”, Harry says instead.

“Hi, I’m Louis”, Louis says and Harry takes his hand. “Harry”.

“I feel like I’m drunk”, Harry says out loud to himself. They are currently in a club. The music is loud, the people sweaty and the lights dimmed low. There are two hands on Harry’s hips and have been for the past minute and Harry isn’t bothered by it.

The guy that Zayn had talked about when they had sat on the tribune, the guy that had obviously stared at Zayn apparently was a member of the football team and apparently also a friend of Louis and Niall. Wasn’t life great?

So, Liam invited Zayn to go clubbing and Zayn couldn’t go without Harry. Harry couldn’t go without Niall and Niall actually could go without Louis and Josh, but he is Niall so they’re coming along as well.

Harry has had a few Tequila shots and knows that Niall’s already gone home with a girl so he actually has a free apartment for tonight. He could take grabby-hands here home with him. But then he decides on no and makes his way back to the bar, meeting Louis there.

He looks good as always and immediately smiles at Harry as though he hasn’t seen him yet, even though Harry has noticed him glancing at Harry and grabby-hands multiple times over the past minutes.

Harry knows exactly how Louis would dance, though. Unfortunately, he knows too well.

“You’re not drinking?”, Harry asks and sits down next to him. Louis shakes his head and says “Not in the mood and also gotta drive” and Harry doesn’t ask why, just nods. He rests his head on the countertop and feels Louis hand brushing through his hair.

Fuck, this feels way too familiar.

“Gotta take care of the hair”, is what he hears in his head.

“Y’alright there, mate?”, is what he really hears.

Harry just “Mhm”’s and lets Louis ruffle his curls again.

They decide to sit down outside so a) Harry can get some fresh air and b) Louis can smoke. Ironic. “I saw how you treated the girl back in September”, Louis starts and hands Harry a water bottle and from where did he even get that?

“Gotta treat people with Kindness”, Harry replies and leans his head against the cold wall behind him.

“Stop being so humble and take a compliment, man”, Louis says with a smile and Jesus Christ, he reminds Harry so much of a younger version of Louis.

His cheeks heat up and he laughs shyly. “Thanks”

“There you go”

  
Harry wishes Louis would say those words in a different scenario. In a scenario where he is finally spreading Harry open with his fingers after teasing him relentlessly. Making Harry gasp so loud that you would think he is gasping for air after drowning for years. Finally filling him up after making Harry feel so empty all those nights.

Geez, Harry looks down at his tented pants. Well, that he couldn’t control anyway.

Harry knows that Louis could do it. Fill him up. Physically and Emotionally. They would be such a good couple. Harry wants to get to know Louis. Know him inside out.

“Who are you?”, Harry asks.

“What?”, Louis says with a laugh.

“Tell me about yourself”, Harry tries to form his thoughts into sentences.

Louis thinks about it. “I want to be a Drama Teacher. Or a football coach. I have six siblings” Oh, that’s new.

“Six?”

“Yeah, my mum just had a new pair. Boy and Girl, but I haven’t seen them in a few weeks”

In Brazil Harry had seen only five children so that explains it. The parents had carried around two babies, but it seemed like she has had another set of twins.

“You must be good with kids”, Harry says.

“Hence the choice of career”, Louis jokes and Harry smiles.

“I’m sure your future wife will be very glad about that”, Harry says. He hasn’t even acknowledged the fact that Louis might be gay. He seems to have a feminine side (body and flamboyant, duh), but guys Harry likes are usually straight.

“Future Husband”, Louis corrects calmly.

“Huh?”

“I had my share of relationships with girls, but I always felt more attracted to guys for a reason”, Louis says.

So that’s why you held that girl’s hand.

“Me too”

“I know. You told that girl in September that was super drunk and almost puked on your shoes”

“She did almost puke on my shoes”, Harry smiles at the memory.

“What about you? Tell me about yourself, Harold”, Louis says and there is a smirk on his face. Aha.

“Well, first of all, Tommo, my name is Harry. Second of all, I’m a mysterious guy. You can’t give away your identity when working for the CIA”

“I’m sure that someone working for the CIA wouldn’t say that he was working for the CIA”

“Oops”, Harry giggles, but feels kinda sober again. How long had they been talking for?

“I should go home”

“I should drive you home”

“No, you shouldn’t. You should drive Liam home”

“Love, Liam is probably fucking Zayn’s brain out in the toilet. I say we get something from McDonalds and I drive you home”

Harry allows it. Damn.

“You could be a serial killer”, Harry says with his mouth full as they walk towards the door of Harry’s building.

“Would a serial killer buy you Chicken Nuggets?”

  
“That’s exactly what a serial would say in this moment”

Louis laughs and Harry laughs at Louis’s laugh. It’s intoxicating, really. So, what’s new?

“Thanks for driving me home, Louis”

“Sure thing”, Louis says and puts his hands into the pocket of his denim jean jacket.

They stand there in silence before Harry leans forward and kisses Louis’ cheek. Just like he had done all those years ago. He hadn’t been able to resist then and he couldn’t just now when Louis was looking at him like that. Like he meant something to him.  
They say their good-nights and Harry closes the door behind him.

_“Same lips red, same eyes blue_

_Same white shirt, a couple more tattoos_

_But it’s not you and it’s not me”,_ Harry writes on a Sunday afternoon.

Then he wanks to the thought of Louis’ tattoos on his.

He and Louis don’t talk for a whole month, but life goes on. Harry skypes with Gemma a few times and tells her about the whole Louis-fiasco. She tells him that she met a guy that she really likes and Harry tells her that he has to approve first, which makes her roll her eyes but he knows exactly that she had waited for those words. He really loves her. His mother visits him in Manchester on a Wednesday and of course, they bump into Louis at Harry’s apartment. Apparently, Louis had been at their flat to play Fifa in Niall’s room and they bumped into each at the elevator. Of. Fucking. Course.

“This is my mum”, Harry mumbles to Louis to avoid an awkward situation.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Styles”, Louis says when they reach her.

“Mrs. Cox, but call me Anne. All of Harry’s friends call me that”, she says and is instantly tricked by Louis’ unbearable charm, but Harry doesn't blame her. She was tricked just like he was.

“We were just going to grab a coffee, dear. You want to join us?”, she asks and before Harry can say anything, Louis agrees.

Weird, Louis doesn’t even drink coffee.

Well, okay. Harry can deal with that.

They sit down in a coffeeshop and just talk and Louis tells Anne about his studies, because he wants her to think he’s smart and Harry grins at that.  
“Have you written anything new?”, Anne asks Harry and Louis looks at her, confused.

“Harry used to write those poems when he was younger, he was really talented at that. I would always ask him to read them out loud to me”

“Mum”, Harry says and blushes. Louis laughs and makes Harry speechless for a second with his smile. Eyes crinkling and teeth-showing laugh. It even seems genuine.

“No, you know”, Anne says to Louis, obviously not knowing that the two aren’t even friends, “When my father died, that was the first time that he read one out to me. Oh god, and it was such a pretty one”, she said and Harry blushes even deeper. He was fourteen when that happened, but he had written poems since he was about twelve.

“Yeah, he’s a gentleman, really. Treats everyone great, the girls rave about him”, Louis says and Harry asks himself how Louis even knows that. The two have met about three times in the past two months.

“That’s my baby”, his mother says and Harry chokes out another embarrassed “Mum”, but let’s Anne kiss his cheek as many times as she wants, because Harry indeed is a gentleman that loves his mum.

“Bullshit”, Niall shouts and Harry laughs out loud. Currently, they are sitting in Louis’ flat. How that happened? Harry has no idea. Apparently, some movie came out on Netflix so they all met up at his flat and watched that stupid movie. Well, Louis, Niall and Harry watched the movie. Liam and Zayn tried to subtly make out next to them, which definitely wasn’t subtle. The movie was really boring too, so instead Harry is in the kitchen, laying his arms on the kitchen counter and looking out of the window.

When he feels fingertips on his spine, he flinches and looks back to see Louis leaning forward so he is in the same position as Harry, but next to him.

“Anything interesting out there? CIA sending you to search the sky for flying criminals?”

Harry still feels the touch of his fingers on his back. Still feels 13-year-old Louis’ fingertips on his ankles.

“No, I’m not on duty right now”

Harry thinks that they haven’t seen each other since Harry’s mum had been there. That’s already about three weeks ago. Time’s flying when all you do is get lost in books and exams. Geez.

“I work three times a week”, Louis says and answers the question Harry has been asking himself since entering the flat. “I just study Drama and Music to be able to work on the side, it only works like that”

Harry nods. “I get that. I work at a florist, but only on Sundays”

Louis chuckles and asks “Why did I expect that answer?”

“What can I say? Hey, what does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?”

Louis rolls his eyes but makes a gesture for him to continue.

“Take it or leaf it”

Louis lets his head fall down onto the countertop, but snorts against it, body shaking with silent laughter. Harry laughs too, saying “Admit it, it was good!”

“It was horrible!”

They keep up the banter until they realize how quiet it had gotten and Louis checks on the guys to come back, looking confused.

“They’re gone. Niall texted me to call you a cab once you leave”

“They left?”, Harry asks and looks at his phone. Niall had only texted him a “Have fun, mate. Use a condom so you don’t get pregnant”. Incredible that Niall would leave Harry alone with a guy that he barely even knows. Technically. They have only meet 4 times in the last three months which is equivalent to no time. Harry doesn’t know shit about Louis and Louis doesn’t even know shit’s shit about Harry.

“What did he say?”, Louis asks and Harry just shakes his head, can’t stop the heat shooting into his face, though.

“What did he say”, Louis asks again and attempts to tickle Harry, who squeals and runs away with Louis chasing him. Thanks to his (stupid) football powers, he manages to tackle him behind the couch.

Harry was surprised to see that the flat was tidier than he originally had expected, only a few used mugs on the little table in front of the TV, books on the countertops and newspaper on the toilet, signaling someone actively living there. But the flat was cozy, pictures of his siblings and a poster of the Fray hanging on the wall and comfortable rugs.

But as Harry is laying on the floor, he sees the dust next to him and knows that he should have expected Louis to be the guy to have a clean apartment, but a dirty floor.

He can’t really mind it though, because Louis is still trying to wrestle Harry and tickle him and Harry really is way too gone for him, isn’t he? This all wasn’t a game, a dream, something he’ll forget sometime. This is his life, he fell for a boy that doesn’t remember him, fell in love with a boy whom he wasn’t important enough to be remembered.

“I – hahah, stop! I give up! I give up!”, Harry pants.

Louis’ hands pin Harry’s down next to his head and Harry realizes that Louis is sitting on Harry’s belly, belly button completely warm under Louis’ ass. Okay, that was a weird description.

“What did he say?”, Louis asks and gosh, is this boy persistent.

“He told me to have fun and…”

“Don’t you dare lie to me“, Louis says while laughing.

“He told me for us to use a condom so I won’t get pregnant”

Louis’ laughing stops abruptly and he stares down at Harry.

“So you won’t get pregnant”, he repeats quietly and Harry can feel something in his lower region move at the words.

No, no, no, go back down, go, please, I’ll see you later, I swear, go down.

Louis doesn’t notice it, because he’s sitting on Harry’s belly and not groin, but he keeps wiggling around and pressing Harry’s hands to the floor.

“Yeah, it’s a joke. Not something that could actually happen, you know”

“Honey, I know”

Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey.

Harry tries to free his hands, but Louis pins them down again, making Harry whine and arch his back.

“You can let me go now, I already told you”

“Maybe I don’t want to”

“Well, then I was right and you actually are a serial killer”

“Ding ding, you win a million dollar”

“How about-“, Harry starts, but one of Louis’ hands let go of Harry’s hand and makes its way to Harry’s hair. He slowly pushes through his hair and pulls him up and Harry doesn’t know what’s happening and he knows it shouldn’t happen.

Shouldn’t. It should happen after a date. After a few dates. A few heated kisses. They should meet each other parents. Well, Louis has met Anne, but you know what I mean. It comes off as an one-night-stand, but also – Harry knows that he doesn’t have a chance with Louis. Louis, who is clever and beautiful and great and so out of his league it’s funny.

Harry is in love with Louis.

Either, he selfishly takes this one shot he gets. Or he lets Louis go and stays in the distance.

_“I know I’m not your only,_  
_But at least someone_  
_I’ve heard a little love_  
_Is better than none”,_ is what Harry will write into his notebook when thinking back to this moment.

Louis is still pulling Harry towards himself by his hair, but he does it so gently.

“What does a flower say to another when they want a kiss?”

“What does it say?”, Louis asks Harry, but his eyes are on the younger boy’s lips. Harry doesn’t even know how old Louis is, but he knows that he’s over 21. Shit.

Harry can feel Louis’ breath on his lips and his eyes want to flutter shut, but he has to watch Louis, count his freckles, look into his eyes and allow his one free hand to grab his jawline.

Well, Harry always has been a selfish bastard.

“Can we put our tulips together?”, he asks and as a response, Louis slams their lips together.

If Harry had to describe the next hour, he would say that it was like visiting heaven for a minute. Getting a taste of how it could be. He would say that it feels like as if a soft, silky cloth was being wrapped around his brain, followed by soft touches. He could write a hundred and more songs about this single experience and it wouldn’t do it justice. It was as if he had been drugged, everything happening in slow motion.

But in reality it didn’t happen in slow motion.

Louis immediately pushes Harry back down, clearly dominating their kiss as his tongue pushes against Harry’s lips and researching Harry’s mouth, every single inch of it. Harry only can moan helplessly, letting Louis’ hands roam around his body.  
Then, Louis stands up and pulls Harry along with him. He pushes him against the wall and sets his thigh between Harry’s, Harry using his back to support himself against the wall. As Louis pulls him forward to kiss him again, Harry ruts against Louis thigh and practically moans into Louis’ mouth.

“Jeez, the way you sound”, Louis pants against the other boy’s mouth. They rut against each other for a minute, before Louis pants “bedroom, bedroom”, and pushes Harry in the direction of (apparently) his bedroom, Harry letting himself be pushed, because his brain has pissed off, leaving only the shell of his body behind.

The door slams shut behind them and Louis immediately pushes Harry down onto the bed and straddles his thighs, making the boy lose a desperate whimper. Harry would like to drag it out, let it happen slow, with Louis teasing him relentlessly and making Harry lose his mind.

Which is not happening now.

Louis greedily makes Harry’s mouth his own property as he pulls at Harry’s shirt, making him get rid of it. “Louis”, Harry moans as Louis’ hand grabs at Harry’s hair, not so curly anymore as it used to but also not completely straight.

“C’mon, love. C’mon”, Louis just whispers against Harry’s ear and mouths at his collarbones, tongue stroking his neck and making Harry dizzy with want.

“You’re sitting on me”, Harry pants out and his hands find their way to Louis’ sweater. He himself is shivering, doesn’t know if it’s because it’s November and the radiator in here is set to little or if it’s because of the growing heat of their bodies.

Louis sits up more to pull off his own sweater and shirt altogether and accidentally grinds against Harry’s groin in the process, making the younger guy gasp out loudly and throw his head back. As a response, Louis’ mouth is back on Harry’s neck, sucking and licking and just owning and Harry feels drunk on love, but he hasn’t had a single drink.

Louis gets off of him and Harry hears the sound of a zipper. This is it. It’s going to happen.

“You gonna lay still while I fuck you, too?”, Louis teases and Harry springs into action, pulling his pants down while looking at Louis’ smirk. Said boy pulls on Harry’s pants to help him get rid of it. They’re both in their boxers now and Harry pushes himself into the center of the bed with his hands so that his legs are actually on the bed too.  
Louis leans against the bed with his knees and opens the drawer next to him, pulling it a bottle of lube and a – a condom. Harry has seen one of those before. Shit, he’s so fucked, isn’t he? Like, literally.

Louis plants his knees on the bed and starts crawling towards Harry and Harry feels so hot all over, because Louis looks like a god right now with his lips swollen and his hair a mess and his boxers tented. Harry’s are too and they’re damp as well.

“Hey”, Louis says and Harry chuckles nervously. It’s even worse that they’re both sober as fuck right now. They should have had something to drink. Like, yesterday. Or last week. For how long have they been in this room?

Louis seems to slow down a bit now, kissing Harry with finesse, but showing how filthy he really is by twisting Harry’s nipples between his fingers, making the boy moan out loudly into his mouth.

Louis smiles against his lips and kisses his way down before putting his mouth on Harry’s bud. When he sucks, Harry’s hip buck, but Louis’ hands push them against the mattress and Harry might even come undone at this.

He only now realizes that a string of Louis’ name is coming out of his mouth as Louis is laughing into his face, adding a teasing “Vocal, are we?”

Harry just groans and finally, Louis looks down at their crotches that have been rubbing against each other for the past seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, decades, centuries, _what the fuck comes before that?_

Louis crawls down to pull Harry’s boxers down.

“Jeez”, he whispers, breathing heavily.

“Harry, you should see yourself now”

Harry is keening at the compliment and manages to stutter out a “I’m more than happy with my view”

Louis grins and then Harry watches him grab Harry’s hard cock and lick the tip which is wet because of the precum. He gasps and cants his hip up again, Louis hands coming up to his laurel tattoos to push him down again while swallowing him down, making Harry moan out loud. He watches Louis’ cheeks as he sucks and Harry feels like coming already, so he tells him to stop and pulls him to himself. He grabs Louis’ ass and leans forward so he can whisper “Take them off” in his ear before kissing his jaw. Louis’ eyelids flutter down and he does what Harry tells him.

Harry hears Louis’ dick slapping against his belly, red, angry, precum and shit and wow, how thick it is. Harry knew that Louis would fill him up just right.

Louis leans down and kisses him again, mouths and bodies moving against each other in a good rhythm. Harry can taste himself on Louis’ mouth and it turns him on even more, if that’s possible.

“You’re sure about this?”

“You’re asking me now?”, Harry pants but oh, does he love him. Asking for consent as if there was even a slight possibility of Harry saying no. He is so gone for him.

“Should I have asked you while sucking your dick?”, he says and Harry’s hand travels down his muscular chest until it reaches his cock. Louis groans against his neck as Harry pumps him, only stopping when hearing the opening of the lube bottle.

Louis takes off Harry’s socks and throws them across the room, making Harry giggle. Then he gently takes Harry’s legs and puts them around his waist. When Harry feels something cold circling his hole, he gasps out in shock and pleasure.

“Louis, please”, he gasps, eyes pressing shut so hard he sees white.

Louis is back to marking up his neck and chest as the finger slips past Harry’s rim. Harry arches his back and tightens his legs on Louis’ waist, pushing his ass up into the air. He lets his head fall back and allows Louis to do whatever he wishes to his body.

Whatever. It has been his body since 2004 and Harry can’t believe that it’s the same boy that’s going to fuck him. All those confused wanks, trying to imagine what the boy from Brazil would look like now. Would he still be tan? Would he still jokingly push his sister and accidentally make her trip? Would he still hold onto his mother as she is carrying him on his back, pretending as if he was the king of the world?

He zones back in when he realizes he has been canting his hips up in time with Louis’ thrusts, his fingers just now finding his prostate. Harry moans out loud and chants Louis name, like it’s the only thing he’s able to say. Louis groans too and finally pulls out his three fingers. Harry doesn’t know when he added the other two. His hair is damp on his forehead and the legs around Louis’ waist are trembling so hard he should probably worry about it.

“Harry”, Louis says, but he pants, really. “You look so fucked out and we haven’t even started yet”, he chuckles and puts on the condom. Harry blindly leans forward and spreads the lube on his cock as he pumps him again.

“Stop, stop”, Louis says and leans his forehead against Harry’s, their breaths fighting for dominance.

“Ready?”

“If you don’t push in right now I will – “, Harry starts but is interrupted by Louis’ dick slipping into his warm heat.

"I prepped you so good and you still feel so tight", Louis groans out and Harry ignores the sharp twist of pain as Louis presses down.

"You good?", Louis asks as if he notices Harry's struggling.

"I - I don't know"

"Let's wait?", Louis suggests and Harry can feel Louis holding back. He doesn't want him to hold back, but it also burns like hell right now.

Louis tries to distract him by kissing him and playing with his nipples. Soon, Harry gets a little more used to the feeling and tells Louis to go on. Louis searches Harry's face for uncertainty, but moves down when he doesn't see any.

Harry gasps and he didn’t even know he could make a sound that high.

“Oh my god”, he whispers when his ass touches Louis groan. Then, Louis pulls back just to push in again. Harry breathes heavily, pants out "One more second, Lou" since it's a lot to get used to and leans his head forward, kissing Louis’ cheek. Louis’ rhythm falters for a second and then stops completely. 

"Should we stop?", Louis asks.

Harry feels the heat shoot up to his face. "No! No. I - I'm sorry", he whispers, but Louis looks at him like he's crazy.

"Harry, I get it. It's been a while for me, too"

After some more kissing, he finally starts. His rhythm is slow at first, but then his pace is quickening, skin slapping against skin, making Harry dizzy. He feels closer and closer to coming, standing at the cliff, looking down at the ocean.

The only thing that is being heard is their frantic breathing, the sound of Louis pulling back and pushing in quickly and their moans mingling together, creating sounds that Harry would like to record and listen to. Harry can’t help but watch down between their bodies to where their most intimate body parts are touching. He helps Louis by grinding his hips up, but Louis is undeniably in control and Harry loves that more than anything. 

Loves being taken care of.

He can’t help but kiss every inch of Louis that he can reach, running his hands through the older boy’s hair. It’s all too hot and Harry will come, he will-

“Can I? Can I?”, he asks and whimpers, Louis grinding into him, too much to take.

“Yeah, I’m here. C’mon, darling, c’mon…I’m here, let go…”

I mean, he keeps talking, Harry is sure of it. It’s just that…

_Harry is gone._

  
_He is gasping for air, back in Brazil._

_Looking up at the sky. It’s all so crazy blue. So blue._

_He is swimming in the ocean, which is also blue. He dives into the water again, all the sounds of the people talking on the beach or playing in the water disappearing. He feels the warm water against his skin, smells the sand, the salt of the ocean burning in Harry’s eyes._

_He feels lightless, like flying, hovering, a silky cloth hugging his body._

_“Harry”, he hears, but he can’t open his mouth. It’s the voice of a young boy and even though Harry can’t see him, he knows that the boy has blue eyes and brown hair and a heart of gold from the way he treats the people close to him._

_He swims up, faster as he gets closer to the surface, scared of not being able to reach the boy in time._

_Pictures, scenarios pop up in his head. It must be his imagination._

_A blue-eyed boy. A girl. They’re holding hands._

_“You’re squeezing, my hand’s gonna get blue like that!”_

  
_“It’s supposed to work like this, Lewis!”_

_Another scenario._

  
_“Oi, watch where you’re goin’, pal!”, a loud voice screams, face so close to him and gone within a second. It echoes in Harry’s head._

  
_“Hey! Get in order! I don’t want to lose anyone of you in this museum, so get it order and walk behind me. Jason!”_

_Shit, there’s another one._

  
_“Hey, a black coffee and a tea, please. I can’t drink coffee, tastes like shit” A laugh. “Yorkshire. Thanks”_

  
_Blue eyes. A more mature face. A little stubble, even._

_“Are you okay?”, he asks now, looking concerned. Behind him, a boy sits down and calls him by his name._

_“Harry”, he hears again._

_A body. Behind him. Harry grinds back. Gosh, his parents are going to kill him. Two pair of hands on his hips and hot breathing on his neck. “We fit, don’t we?”, a voice says and then soft lips touch his neck. Harry can only lay his head back and shudder._

_Zayn sits in the bar, in front of Harry._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_The picture fades._

_He reaches the surface, grabbing the little boy’s hand._

He tears his eyes open, the tears having glued his eyelashes shut. He looks up straight into the ocean.

“Louis”, he whispers, feels a few more tears on the verge of falling.

“I thought I lost you there for a second”, he says and Harry smiles dazedly, before looking down between their bodies and seeing Louis’ being painted in white cum, his soft cock already pulled out and for how long was he gone?

Louis still looks concerned and he wipes off Harry’s tears with the duvet.

Then he gets up to wash off while Harry stays in bed. Game over.

When he comes back, he kisses Harry’s forehead and turns him around so he can cuddle up against his back, his arms around Harry’s waist. He turns off the light from the lamp on the bedside table that had been the only thing illuminating their physical features.

Harry’s body feels limp. Empty again. Now, that he knows what it feels like to be full, he doesn’t think he ever can be empty again.

“You good, love?”, Louis asks and his fingertips trail down the side of his body.

“Yeah”, Harry sighs.

They stay like that, just laying in each other’s company.

Later he feels Louis’ chest heaving and falling in a familiar pattern and realizes that he had fallen asleep. Harry looks at the clock which says 04:23 am and lays his head back onto the pillow.

And this is the moment we have waited for. We have found each other in the present.

  
The only thing illuminating the room is the light of the moon, bathing the room in white light. Harry lays on his right side, watching Louis lay on his back. Brushing the hair out of his face, pressing a soft kiss to the older boy’s forehead. It was once. Harry had had one shot. He can’t believe that it had actually happened.

He sits up, unable to sleep. Louis stirs in the bed, but just rolls over to his left and keeps on sleeping. Harry sits down in front of the window, stepping over their discarded clothes on the floor, unable to stop his tears now. Once. This is a memory to keep in his heart for forever. Louis’ fingerprints on Harry’s body is all Harry has now.

When Louis wakes up tomorrow, Harry will be gone. The other boy will just assume that Harry did that often. That one-night-stand thing. He will go on with his life as if nothing life-changing had happened. Because, maybe that’s exactly what happened. Louis doesn’t really know Harry. Harry knows Louis more than Louis knows Harry. That’s all there is to know, really.

With shaking hands he searches the room for his clothes, two hours later. It’s about seven o’clock something and he needs to get out of there, can’t bear the thought of Louis seeing him as simply a good fuck. If he proposed to Harry to become his fucking-buddy, Harry would die on the spot.

His body trembles as he pulls up his pants. When he’s dressed, he walks over to Louis and leans down to kiss his mouth. Louis is still asleep and obviously doesn’t notice.

He leaves the flat and calls up Niall.

Niall is asleep, obviously.

Zayn is, too. 

“Hello?”, Liam asks.

“Hey, where are you?”, Harry asks.

“I was at the gym, it’s eight am. You need something?”

“Uh, I might need a lift”, Harry says, voice trembling.

“Are you okay, Harry?”

“I don’t think so, but all I want is to get home and if you can’t that’s fine, but – “

“Where are you?”

“At Louis’ flat”

There is a silence. Harry fears that he is going to ask.

“I’ll be there in ten”

Harry exhales in relief.

“Thanks, Liam”

“Stop saying thanks”, Liam mumbles as he gives Harry a coffee. Harry realized that he didn’t even have his key on him and therefore Liam offered Harry to stay at Liam’s place that he normally shared with Josh, but said boy wasn’t around right now.

“Zayn’s in my bedroom, I’ll check on him real quick”

Harry looked at the clock. 09:10 am. Okay, Louis probably still isn’t awake yet.

He can’t help but feel his bum being sore. He wishes Louis would rub it and kiss it and make Harry feel better about it, only thinking about it making Harry exhale a shaky breath. He wished Louis would tell that him his bum is beautiful the way it is. Lick it. Lick his bum. 

Liam comes back and looks at Harry with a questioning look.

  
“It’s a long story”, Harry starts, really not wanting to talk about it.

“Don’t talk to me about it then, but don’t you think Louis deserves it? Does he know you’re gone?”

_Does Louis even know anything?_

It’s December. Harry feels unhappy. First of all, he hates all those stupid couples, walking around on campus and kissing each other like ew, get that away. Also, Louis hadn’t called and it’s been a whole month of no communication. Maybe that’s Harry’s fault. But it’s not like Harry wants to be the guy that let’s the love of his life fuck him whenever he pleases.

“We need to go out!”, Niall says for the third time today and Harry groans in annoyance.

“No!”

“Harry, come on! It’s fucking December. And I need to get laid”, he is pouting now and even Zayn next to Harry is slowly being tricked into this.

“Go. I’ll stay”, Harry says and Niall sighs, but finally let’s it go.

All Harry needs is peace.

When the door closes, he grabs his notebook.

_"You don't understand, you don't understand_  
_What you do to me when you hold her hand_  
_We were meant to be but a twist of fate_  
_Made it so you had to walk away"_ , he reads and tries to find the next words to say.

It knocks at the door.

In his pajamas, Harry stumbles to the door and doesn’t bother looking through the peek-hole.

Blue eyes stare back at him and he almost, almost, slams the door back shut.

“Louis?”

“Harold”, Louis just replies, before pushing Harry to the side and simply entering. He knows where Harry lives, because Harry lives with Niall who is the one inviting Louis over to play Fifa in his room.

“That’s still not my name”

“Listen to me”, Louis suddenly says and stops walking abruptly, making Harry almost walk into him, stopping at a safe distance.

Louis turns around. He is wearing Joggers, a black shirt and fluffy socks and did he just drive here?

“I am done with your games”, Louis states and Harry doesn’t get it.

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean”, Louis says, louder now. “Is that I’m done with whatever this was. What was that, just disappearing on me and not answering my texts? Don’t even the the guts to at least tell me that you aren’t interested?”, he says now, Harry trying to ignore the guilt in his heart. He hadn’t seen the messages, because he had deleted Louis’ number as soon as he had texted Harry. Couldn’t bear to read what it said. Harry is weak.

Harry stays silent and sits down on one of the tall stools in the kitchen, leaning his arms onto the counter and not looking at Louis.

“Oh, so that’s what we’re gonna do? I would have never thought you were like this, do you know that? You’re such a pathetic, mean, dumb, arrogant, selfish and idiotic bastard that just wants-“

“You forgot, Louis”

Louis stops in his tracks.

**-To be continued-**


	2. How many times? Six.

Louis is silent at that.

Harry turns his face to look at Louis now, showing off his tear-streaked face.

“You just forgot”, he repeats and his voice gets really high, because he’s sobbing now.

“What – What is happening? What are you doing?”

“I am going to tell you”, Harry starts and stands up, wiping his tears off.

“Who the pathetic, dumb, idiotic bastard really is. It’s you!”

At this, Louis looks mad again and the next thing he hears is “The fuck am I! I did nothing wrong!”

“Do you know who I am?”

Louis looks annoyed at that but knows that there’s more coming. He crosses his arms.

“Harry”

“When did we meet the first time?”

“In September”

“Do you know who you are?”

“Louis, Harry where you going with thi – “

“When did we first meet?”, Harry repeats.

Louis has never been this silent.

  
“We first met in 2004, Louis”, Harry starts, swallowing down tears. It’s time to be honest.

“What? That can’t be true”, Louis says slowly and leans against the fridge.

“It was in Brazil. You were there with your parents and four sisters. We met at the restaurant, but you introduced yourself to me at the beach the next day. You just said Louis as if that explained your whole existence”, he says while smiling wetly at the memory.

Louis is still quiet, because he wants Harry to continue. His eyes say something Harry can’t read.

“My family and I, we were there for just two weeks and the day we left, I kissed your cheek and you asked me where I lived. I said Cheshire”

“So, what, that’s about nine, ten years ago”, Louis says, but he’s unsure now.

“The second time”, Harry starts, trying to control his heavy breathing.

“The next time we met in Doncaster in 2006”

He doesn’t even look at Louis, just continues.

“My mother had gotten along with Johanna and asked for her phone number. When she told my mum that you guys lived in Doncaster, I drove there to find you. Searched your name in almost every school. But when I got there, you already had someone else”, he says and thinks back to the girl with the long, brown hair and the red boots. Harry had driven home, feeling as if a world had broken down.

“The third time we met in Manchester at a museum…both our classes had an excursion, apparently. You sprinted past me and spilled your tea all over my new shoes. I didn’t mind though, what hurt more was that you had looked into my face and hadn’t recognized a single feature”

“But…that was in a rush, I probably didn’t even see your face properly – “

“The fourth time was in Cheshire, actually”, Harry interrupts him, glad they got to this part, voice changing. “I had just started working there and in walked Louis Tomlinson, so cool, right? And you seemed so nice, ordering for you and your friend. Just a tea, because you don’t like coffee, right, Louis? You said that to my fucking face. I hadn’t changed, Louis. I was the same fucking boy!”, he says now, louder.

“And you know what? I’m not even fucking done! The fifth and last time was, again, in Doncaster! I wasn’t there for you, though. It was Jasmine’s birthday, a friend of mine. And while I danced, you came up behind me and grinded onto me as if I was yours, Louis and yes, maybe I was! Maybe I am! SO what? What do you want to tell me, Louis? What?! What could you possibly want to tell me now? Bad enough that I gave you my virginity, because honestly, it’s not like you deserved it”, he mumbles the last sentence, but Louis sighs quietly so he probably heard it.

“You’re quiet now”, Harry says. “Please leave. I know, maybe I’m exaggerating, but those weeks meant so much more to me than you could ever imagine”

“Sit down again, Harold”, Louis says.

Harry is stunned for a second, but does so.

“Do you know what retrograde amnesia is?”

Retro – what?

He definitely knows what amnesia is, though.

“Louis, no”, Harry starts, tears shooting up into his eyes again.

No, this can’t be true. This is false. This is a dream. All fake.

“I had a pretty heavy concussion back in Doncaster, a week after Brazil”, Louis continues, ignoring Harry’s pleas to stop talking.

“It’s the kind of amnesia that is caused by a trauma such as a concussion, at least in my case, in which the memory loss relates to material learnt before the trauma. I completely forgot being in Brazil and two weeks before that. Thank god, it wasn’t more than that”

Harry is sobbing at this point, whole body shaking, hands clawing at his own shirt in pain.

“My mum told me that I had talked about a certain boy in Brazil. When I asked her for your mother’s number, she refused to give it to me. Didn’t even tell me her name. She said that she was scared for my trauma to come back, so I stopped asking her. One time, she told me that you had asked for me and that you lived in Cheshire. With that piece of information, I asked Oli to drive with me to Cheshire. It was stupid, I know, I just didn’t realize that that guy behind the counter was you. I – I just remember that, jeez, I should have known that I already met you”

He steps closer to Harry now and lets the taller boy engulf him into a hug, holding Louis as if he was as fragile as porcelain. Harry silently cries into Louis’ shoulder while Louis rubs his back. He can’t help but clutch into Louis’ shirt, the situation reminding him so much of the rainy night in Brazil where Louis had embraced a 11-year-old-Harry and brought him to Johanna.

“I’m so sorry”, Harry says, but Louis just hugs him again and presses his nose into Harry’s neck.

  
“I’m sorry. You waited for me. I left you hanging”

“I thought that you just wanted to fuck me, so that’s why I left”

He feels soft lips on his neck.

“God, I wish you had stayed. I wasn’t done with you”, Louis grins and Harry ruffles his hair while chuckling in a deep voice, rough from all the crying.

“Now stop your crying. I wasn’t done”, Louis leans back to wipe off the younger boy’s tears. Harry looks so young like this, all pouting, green eyes wide, hair curly and nose red.

“I didn’t give up hope on remembering it. There are two types, retrograde and anterograde. Retrograde amnesia sufferers might partially regain memory later, but memories are never being remembered again when having anterograde amnesia because they were not encoded properly. So you could say I was pretty lucky”, Louis explains while his hands start roaming Harry’s bare back under Harry’s shirt. Harry shivers into Louis’ chest.

“Did you already remember anything?”  
  


“I did. A few things, small things. I remember there being a boy with brown hair, but not more. A few other things, but not related to you. The doctors said that over the time, more might come back, but that’s a might”

“God, Lou”, Harry whispers against Louis and his body feels so limp that they lose their balance a bit, stumbling back and onto the couch, Louis propping himself up with his elbows next to Harry’s head to prevent crushing his body with his own body weight. He noses along Harry’s jawline, leaving hot kisses along his neck, making Harry arch his back.

“Lou, touch me”, he whispers and Louis immediately complies by pushing Harry’s shirt up and throwing it behind himself. Then, he sits up to pull off his own. When they are both in their boxers and Harry is panting from Louis sucking on his nipples and thighs, covering his milky skin with dark purple bruises, he looks up and gives Harry a wonderful smile. His hair is a mess and Harry loves him.

“It’s bad how gone I am for you. Since I met you”, Harry whispers, but Louis hears. He always does.

“Let me show you how gone I am for you, then. Gonna take care of you. You really let me take your virginity, didn’t you? Gosh. All mine, my baby Hazza”

How did they get from screaming at each other to this? What happened?

Harry whimpers at the pet names, shivering in pleasure.

Reaches out for Louis with his hands, allowing his fingers to slide across his skin and tattoos and then to disappear into his hair.

He presses his hand against where he thinks Louis’ heart is, feeling the erratic beating of his heart. He leans forward and kisses the spot, making Louis still.

“Harry, you will be the death of me”, Louis says and kisses him, a kiss that is so gentle and soft and wonderful and also speaks more than thousand words.

“Just…just make love to me”, Harry says and laughs a second later, because honestly, what even is this?

Louis puts some strands of hair behind Harry’s ears before slowly pulling his boxers off, Harry lifting his bum so it’s easier for him. Louis sits up then, giving Harry a wonderful view as he strips of his last piece of clothing.

They make out some more, rubbing against each other with groans as they don’t even look at the time. Louis teases Harry just how Harry has always imagined him to do.

When Harry can’t put up with it anymore, Louis finally lubes up three fingers and starts off with one, making Harry arch his back and whine in desperation. Louis has a confident smile on his face as he works Harry through with one, then coming back with two and then three and Harry feels like coming already with how the sweat is rolling down his neck onto the pillow underneath him.

“Fucking – Louis, I can’t … I – “

“Shh, my baby”, Louis whispers and finally pulls his fingers out and looks up at Harry with a soft smile.

As he tries to position himself just like the last time, he stops and then leans back so he is sitting normally on the couch in a sitting position. Harry doesn’t get it until Louis moves down a bit. He straddles Louis’ thighs and this is literally his second time having sex.

Of course he has done some things, but that last step was always just too important for him to waste on a guy that he wasn’t ever going to see again. Even with prior boyfriends, it never felt right.

With Louis, it immediately felt right.

Louis notices Harry being hesitant and says “Honey, there’s nothing you can’t do. Just sit down and I’ll come undone. Just say stop and we’ll stop” he laughs. “Just experiment a bit, I want you to be in charge for once”, he adds and puts Harry’s hands on his own shoulders.

Harry nods and grinds forward, pleasure zipping through his body. Louis groans and drops his head against the headrest. Harry leans forward to mark up his neck while moving his body in circular movements, their dicks touching constantly.

At one point, Harry grabs the condom and rips it open, slowly rolling it down Louis’ shaft, making sure it’s the right side. Louis just gives him a lopsided grin. As Harry pumps him, he realizes how much he loves this new position since he can see every twitch of Louis’ face-muscles and his furrowed brows and his open mouth and closed eyes. Back then, he should have known that Louis would end up looking this way. Looking like a prince. Like Harry’s prince.

Louis helps him by grabbing him by the hips and helping him slowly sink down onto his shaft. It hurts a bit, so they stay still for some time while they kiss and touch and laugh into each other’s mouths. Louis even asks if they can order in afterwards and Harry rolls his eyes, fondly.

Finally, Harry starts moving and lifting his bum. After a few minutes he understands how it works and starts loving it, going mad with power. He showers Louis in moans and whimpers and whines and Louis loves how Harry is so vocal about it, how he loves this so much.

Sweat is dripping down Harry’s forehead and back and he can’t feel his legs anymore, so he slumps against Louis’ chest and allows him to turn them around and push in, the position allowing him to slip in deeper than before. Instead of quick and rough thrusts, Louis keeps it slow and drags it out. His fringe keeps falling into his face and Harry sees his muscles clenching every time he pushes in.

Harry’s thighs squeeze Louis’ waist as tight as possible as he moans out and when Louis paints “say my name, love” onto his skin, that’s the only word coming out of his mouth.

Louis comes first, shooting into the condom as his face scrunches up beautifully and when he wants to pull out, Harry urges him to keep going. His fingernails scratch at Louis’ back, traveling over the muscles at the back of his shoulders that move with every thrust and down his spine, stopping at his bum to give him a good squeeze.

Coming is different this time around. It’s not like a volcano erupting, it’s more like a rollercoaster, slowly building up and getting higher and higher until you get dropped and let go, not being able to control where it leads you.

It feels like the ocean in Brazil again, but this time he’s laying on his back at the surface.

_The sky is still so blue._

_“Harry”, he hears his name. But he isn’t drowning this time and hearing the voice from a distance._

_No, the voice is right here, next to him._

_Harry turns his head lightly and sees the present version of Louis._

_Harry gives him a big smile while watching Louis dive into the water and feeling fingertips at his hips just a few seconds later, lips on his shoulders._

_Then, slowly, he is being pulled underwater. And he doesn’t even mind. Because the hand that’s pulling him belongs to the person that he belongs to._

When both lay in Harry’s bed, cuddling, they talk a lot and decide to work on the relationship, because what they got is special.

It’s a process. A hard one, to be honest. Both are busy with uni and work, but they make it work somehow. When Anne and Johanna meet each other again, four months after the two started dating, they nearly cry over how luck has brought them back together. Gemma needs a lot of convincing whereas Louis’ siblings accept Harry into their family as if he had been there forever.

Telling their friends was harder, but after month three of tiptoeing around and meeting each other only in Louis’ apartment, they finally make that step. Niall actually cries after hearing the full story but swears that it’s only because of the humidity in the room. Liam and Zayn just knowingly shake their heads and hug them, telling them they had only waited for this moment. When Oli meets Harry, he tells him about the countless times that Louis has talked about him over the phone, making Harry look over at Louis in awe who is just rolling his eyes, but not even trying to hide his blush.

It’s hard. Sometimes they fight, Harry slamming Louis’ front door shut and not calling him back for days. Louis thinks that it’s because Harry’s scared of Louis forgetting about him again or not being serious about him.

It’s because they don’t have much time for each other, Louis working three times a week and Harry being busy with university and so on. When they meet at uni, a kiss and a coffee have to do. Sometimes, Harry waits an hour in the rain for Louis’ football training to be over, just to get a hug from the person he loves most.

Louis is so thankful for Harry watching him play football, but he’s also frustrated that he can’t give his boyfriend what he deserves sometimes.

Meanwhile, Niall gets to know Camila. He was sure of it being a little fling, nothing more. He gets to know her, just a few months before Louis and Harry get together. Along the way, it gets serious and both decide to make it official. When Camila proposes for them to move in together, five months after Louis and Harry started dating, he immediately calls Louis and tells him about it.

So, six months after getting together, Louis tells Harry to meet him in his apartment. Harry has had a rough week without seeing his Louis, so he isn’t in his best mood. Harry cooks them something and Louis asks what’s going on with him. He hates that Harry sometimes can’t fully open up, too scared to waste their precious time with his issues.

But this time, Harry looks him in the eyes and whispers with tears in his eyes “I just miss you, Lou”.

Louis looks back just as intensively and answers “Then don’t leave me”, holding up a key.

Harry’s mouth opens in shock and his first reaction is to hide his face in his hands to sob out loudly.

Louis gently moves his hands away and they hug, sealing the deal.

Camila moves in with Niall and Harry packs up his stuff, kissing Niall on the cheek as they shed a tear over the memories they had made in their little apartment.

After that, it’s better. They always get to wake up together, tangled in the sheets, waking each other up with kisses and ... other things. Harry discovers just how much he loves morning sex, just as much as Louis does. Then, Harry makes them breakfast while Louis finds the right channel. The first night Harry stayed over, he made an omelet with tomatoes in it and when Louis asked how he knew that he liked it that way, Harry said that it had been the only thing Louis had eaten in Brazil at the breakfast hall. Harry knows, because he had been staring over at their table while eating with his own family. They enjoy the time they have left together before they head off to uni, sometimes together, sometimes one of them goes earlier than the other.

Nine months after being a couple, Louis makes a list of rules that they should stick by. First, he scribbles down **_HONESTY_** , which makes Harry roll his eyes. Harry writes down **_MAKING TIME FOR FAMILY_** , because he clearly is in love with Johanna and the cupcakes she makes whenever they go to Doncaster. Louis smiles at that and writes down **_LOUIS SHOWERS HARRY WITH LOVE_** and Harry tells Louis to stay serious with a light blush on his cheeks. **_NOT GOING TO BED WITH UNRESOLVED ISSUES_** and **_NOT THROWING THINGS WHEN BEING ANGRY/NOT JUST LEAVING_** make the list as well, just as **_COMPROMISING_** and **_DATES_** , as they don’t only want to live in their apartment, but also build their lives everywhere and grow together.

Louis is done with uni before Harry is and starts in a school where he teaches Drama and Sports. He loves the contact with children and can finally stop the stupid three-times-a-week job and spend more time with the love of his life.

He starts by taking Harry to expensive restaurants, but Harry immediately stops him with that, because for him, it has never been about the money, but the time. Harry is still very busy with uni, but Zayn and Niall really show him what real friends are. He couldn’t be more grateful for the times they have encouraged him to push himself and get the work done.

Harry has never felt more in love and in the last few months of uni, he realizes that he might want more than what they have right now. He wants kids. As he realizes that, he gets scared. He’s only 24 and Louis with his 26 years clearly doesn’t want children yet, having to deal with them at work. Also, they aren’t fully financial stable yet and it’s just not right. Harry keeps it to himself for a while, not stopping to write his little songs and poems. He decides to write a book, not telling Louis about it.

Louis dreams about helping out a 11-year-old that is crouching in the rain, waiting for his mummy to pick him up. Dreamed about having a bubble bath with him, ruffling his curls and staring into his dimpled smile and green eyes that speak volumes. He wakes up, completely drenched in sweat and shakes Harry awake. It’s a memory, not a dream. Harry sleepily smiles and pulls Louis to his chest.

Louis notices, because when does he not? Harry won’t let him look at his laptop and Louis would never think that Harry would do something like cheat, but this does freak him out. He asks Liam and Liam asks Zayn and Zayn asks Niall and what does Niall? Niall doesn’t have to ask Harry, because he already knows. Harry tells him everything, so he simply tells him about his boyfriend’s worries.

Harry comes home that day and they bicker a bit, until Louis points to their rules-list. Harry sighs loudly and says “I’m writing a book, Louis”. Louis lets himself fall down onto their couch and ask “How long have you been writing it for?” “About a year” “How could you not tell me? We always tell each other everything. Why did you keep that to yourself?”, he asks and gives Harry his blue, disappointed eyes. “I wanted to figure out what I wanted the book to be about before telling you. It’s just some thoughts and … I’m sorry”. That night, Louis sleeps on the couch. He just can’t believe that there are still things that Harry won’t tell him.

When Harry graduates, he feels so relieved. He immediately becomes a psychologist to fulfill his lifelong dream – help people.

Four months later, he finishes his book and finds a company that wants to publish it. He wakes Louis up with a nice blowjob and when he’s done making his boyfriend moan out loud, he lays down the book next to Louis and whispers “That’s why I couldn’t tell you”. Then he leaves for work, giving Louis some space.

Louis takes a shower, then opens the book with the title “How to make it work”, written by Harry Styles. On the very first page he reads

_I want to thank my mother, stepdad and sister for supporting me finding myself in my younger years, never pushing me or wanting me to change myself. Letting me express myself openly._

_I want to thank my friends Niall, Zayn, Liam, Nick, Amy, James and the rest for supporting me write this book and kicking my ass on my unproductive days. Thanks guys, I couldn’t have done it without you._

_Who I want to thank most though is the love of my life, Louis. This book is totally dedicated to him, just like my heart and soul. He has truly shown me what real love is and without him, I don’t know if I could have ever been this happy. Thank you, my love._

Louis reads the whole book in four hours. It’s incredible, Harry’s feelings laid bare for him to read. He hadn’t realized that Harry was scared of making the next step. Had wanted to go further in their relationship, but had been scared of Louis’ reaction. Wow. Louis has to sit down and run a hand through his hair. He loves how Harry has included little doodles of Louis and his friends. How he had added little self-written lyrics and added the date. Some are even written, way before they were a thing. Louis falls in love with this book. Falls in love all over again with Harry.

When Harry comes home, Louis hugs him. “You’re so stupid”, Louis whispers into his neck. “Thinking I wouldn’t want more with you. Honey, I want everything with you. Everything”, and they just hold each other that night, making love over and over again. Harry cries and maybe so does Louis, but finally, everything is out in the open.

The book itself is pretty successful and gains a lot of attention, which Harry hadn’t expected. He starts a blog so that people can ask questions and he also gains a lot of followers on Instagram. The best thing is though that his lyrics become so popular that a few record labels call him, asking for his cooperation in the music industry. He does that too, but decides to stay anonymous to ensure his and his family’s safety.

When Louis asks Harry to marry him, they have been dating for almost four years. He did it, shortly after Gemma had gotten her baby. They were sitting on their balcony in their apartment and Louis went “I feel like this apartment is getting too small”. Harry looked up from where his head leaned on Louis’ shoulder and his fingers stopped writing a reply to a question on his book. “Is it? I mean, it’s only us”, Harry said. “Well, I’ve lived here longer than we have, you know? I think we need something that we both moved into together. I mean, I’m almost 29 and you’re 27”. Harry shrugged his shoulders and continued writing his reply.

The same night, they ate dinner at this bakery where they still go to almost every week since they are obsessed with their cheesecake. After dinner, Louis got down on one knee. Harry gasped and Louis said “We definitely need a new apartment, honey, but let’s start by letting me call you husband” and whoop - he had a handful of Harry.

For their wedding, Louis decided for the whole lot to stay a week in Brazil, booking rooms in the hotel that they had stayed in the very first time they had met.

“What do you mean, there’s more?”, Harry asked.

“We have to complete that and then we’ll go on our honeymoon, I promise”, Louis said and kissed Harry’s bare belly, hands gripping his almost-husband’s hips. Before Harry could say another thing, Louis had put his lips on Harry, making the other man completely forget the rest of the world. They make good use of the bathtub, if you know what I mean.

The wedding was incredible. Both men wore white, but different outifts, since their styles are just as different as they are. Everyone cried tears of joy and Gemma’s boy brought them the rings, making every person awe at his clumsiness. Louis’ and Harry’s vows were sweetly thought out and by the end of Louis’, both men were in such tears that they needed a short break from sobbing out so sharply. The smiles never left their faces, though. They enjoyed their time there, reliving the memories there and chilling on the beach.

Instead of flying back to Manchester, they flew to Doncaster, Harry just as clueless as before. They walked for a full hour before stopping in front of a school, Louis taking Harry’s hand into his.

“Louis, what’s going on?”

“Doncaster, 2007?”, Louis tries and it clicks.

“No”

“Yes, I wanted to go them all through with you and change the bad memories. So, you’re holding my hand and not Eleanor. That was her name, by the way”

Harry gave him a teary smile.

They made it through the rest of the list. The museum in Manchester, the bakery in Cheshire, the club in Doncaster and the pub in Manchester where Harry had sat in the booth with Zayn and seen Louis again for the first time in nine years.

“He really did that?”, Jamie asks, surprised, as he leans back against Harry’s chest.

“Excuse yourself! I’m a gentleman, of course I did!”, Louis defends himself, but the fond smile on his face shows that he’s just kidding.

“He did. My gentleman, isn’t he?”, Harry answers and leans over to kiss Louis’ mouth, which is a bit hard, considering they’re all laying in Lou and Harry’s bed.

“Stop, darlin’. You’re quite the charmer as well. Wrote three books about me, didn’t you?”, Louis asks teasingly and Harry just rolls his eyes.

Jamie just looks between his two dads, not even trying to make sense of what they’re talking about. It’s like they have a different language.

Harry ruffles Jamie’s hair and says “But if Darcy here doesn't keep her blue eyes, then I’ll be disappointed”

“No worries, babe. We’ll try for as long it takes”, Louis jokes and kisses Darcy who is laying in his lap and making cute baby-noises.

“I’ll take your word for it”

They grin at each other and then tell Jamie to go to bed since it’s almost ten pm. The 7 - year old complains just as he always does, but does as being told.

Louis lays Darcy down between them and kisses her cheeks. He’s absolutely obsessed with his children. Harry lays down a few minutes later and cuddles up to Louis, trying not to crush Darcy between them.

“Lou”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe that this all happened”, Harry whispers and Louis stands up to put Darcy into her crib which is also in their bedroom. He points to his lap and Harry rolls over to lay his head down onto Louis’ chest.

“Me neither”, Louis says then and runs his hand through Harry’s curls.

“But I love it”, he adds and Harry chuckles against his chest.

“You think they’re sleeping?”, Harry whispers then and grinds down a bit, making Louis gasp.

“Well, I sure hope so”, Louis just says and bucks his hips up, making Harry’s eyes flutter shut.

Honestly, the sex between them just got better and better. They needed some time to figure themselves out together in their new home, but to Harry, it all just feels like an unbelievable dream. He can’t believe that it had bothered him so much that Louis had forgotten him. Actually, Louis has remembered quite a bit from Brazil in 2004 and every bit that he remembers again makes Harry smile so big as if they had won the lotto.

He still is involved in the music industry here and then, but is being named as ‘Edward William’ to stay anonymous. His other two books weren't as successful as the first one, but still gained a good amount of attention. Louis had switched schools as they moved and teaches now at another school, loving to help children express themselves in his drama class, but he also does counseling for students that need someone to talk to.

They both still feel so in love and even though they still bicker here and then, ever since the day that Harry published his first book, they are honest with each other and really try to make it all work. Sometimes, they have off days. If Harry feels like he needs a break, he goes to visit his parents and sister Gemma. He can’t believe that Robert, her son, is already fifteen years old.

He always tells Louis first about it though. Just spending time with his family makes him feel sick about not being able to cuddle up to his little husband.

Louis deals with his off-days differently, rather just taking Jamie out and spending some time with his son alone. When he watches his son being a mixture of his two dads, blond straight hair and green eyes, loud but also reserved, sassy but also kind, smart but also immature, he always forgets what has made him feel bad. At the end of the day, they are just there for each other.

Louis and Jamie just always have been inseparable. When Johannah passes away, Harry sees Louis break down for the very first time. Louis typically isn't the guy to cry, but he told Harry a million times throughout their relationship that his mother simply was his soulmate. Both guys suffered since Harry had seen her as his second mother. Jamie misses his grand-mother, but when he takes Louis' hand at the funeral and babbles "I love you, dad", Harry stops to wipe at his own tears to finally see a smile on his husband's tear-streaked face. Louis simply lifts Jamie up and kisses his forehead, brushes the blond hair away from his eyes.

At Robin's funeral, it isn't much different, but Jamie is a bit older and understands better. He hadn't really realized that he wouldn't get to see his grandmother anymore until Louis sat him down on his lap, months after her funeral, and talked about his memories with his mother while trying to ignore his own tears. Harry wanted to do this for him, but he knew that Louis thought that this is something he had to do himself.

Jamie listens quietly and then asks "She won't bake me my chocolate cookies anymore?". Louis laughs wetly, wiping at his eyes and shaking his head. "No, darling. I'm sorry. But I'm sure she's at a better place now"

Harry feels like Jamie loves him in a different way. He loves Louis and tells him everything, wants him to be proud of him. When he breaks an expensive vase that a colleague had gifted to Louis, he comes to Harry, crying, knowing that Harry could never be mad at him. Together, they tell Louis. Louis looks at Jamie, confused, before laughing and saying "At least I don't have to look at that thing anymore". When someone was mean to Jamie at school, he told Harry, knowing that if he had told Louis, Louis would have straight up gone there and fought that kid. He cries into Harry's shoulder as Harry comforts him and holds his baby tight. So, he seems to love them both equally. Just, in a different way.

So when Robin passes away, he clings to Harry and doesn't let go of his hand, trying to comfort his father this way. Harry clings to Gemma and Gemma clings to Harry, but they both cling to their mother who clings back to them just as much. Harry cries about the fact that Jamie is still so young and has already lost two important people in his life, but Louis urges him to cope with his own feelings and loss before worrying about that. He buys Jamie an ice cream and as the three sit on a bench in their funeral - outfits, they talk about funny memories of Robin and Johannah and laugh together about it.

It's to keep the memories alive and make Jamie understand that they will always be a part of their lives and that he shouldn't feel sad about it, but happy that he had the luck of getting to know them. Louis feels indescribably proud of Harry's strength that day and is sure that he couldn't have talked this gently and maturely at his mother's funeral and held it in that well. He knew that after Anne and Desmond's divorce, young Harry was so grateful that Robin accepted him the way he was and made him feel so safe with the way he loved him as if he was his biological son.

Alone in their room, he hugs Harry to his chest and lets him cling his fingers into his shirt. Harry has done it in 2004 in still does, it's just a thing he does when he needs to feel the safety of his husband. Louis puts on the song that they danced to at their wedding and quietly, they softly move to the song as Louis rubs his back and allows him to cry into his shoulder.

They had decided to get another baby two years ago, but the paperwork and legal stuff had been so difficult that it had taken some time. Harry also saw that Louis struggled especially with receiving this child since he knew that it would never get to meet Johannah and Robin to which Harry reminded him that they still lived in their hearts and memories and that their children would always love them, no matter what. At first, Louis didn't want another child. But waking up with Harry everyday and seeing their adorable son grow up in front of their eyes did it for him. When Jamie dresses himself and only needs help cutting his meat, Louis finally tells Harry that he wants a second child.

The rest? Niall and Camila haven’t worked out and broken up after a few years. It had taken him some time to get back on track, but he has found his soulmate in Hailey and hasn’t been happier ever since. He has gifted her a sweet girl who is called Ginny and seems to be really fond of Jamie. She is only about three years younger.

While Harry really wants them to grow closer, Louis has told him to take things slow and rather let Jamie decide. Louis 1- Harry 0. Zayn and Liam actually stayed together and decided to travel around the world to find themselves. Unfortunately, Liam had a car accident back in Manchester for which he had to give up his work as a personal trainer in a gym.

He was in a wheelchair for about two years, Zayn never leaving his side, and has been training to get back on his feet. Louis is so proud of his friend for working so hard on himself and when Liam made his first few steps, Louis broke down in tears, showing everyone his vulnerable side that they had only seen in regard to his beloved mother.

Louis has begged Harry to let him read some of his songs ever since he read his book. At first, Harry was totally against it, but when seeing Louis’ reaction to the lyrics that are mostly all about his husband anyway, he doesn’t understand why he hadn’t done it way before.

The best thing is that they all try to meet up every two weeks to keep their friendship alive. Harry and Louis couldn't be more happy about how their lives have changed and Harry wants to wake up next to Louis for the rest of his life.

So, when Harry picks Louis up from work with Jamie and Darcy to drive to Liam and Zayn's apartment, Louis still can't believe his luck.

Harry gives him a kiss, Jamie jumps up on him and Darcy doesn't do much except for babbling a bit.

Louis never knew that this was exactly what he needed in life.


End file.
